I know this is supposed to be a blog about Lexi, but I wanted to share some things that have been on my mind.
I have spent the day reflecting and mulling over the past year of my life. I have been asking myself these questions:
Am I where I want to be in life?
Have I accomplished the goals I have set for myself?
Where am I going from here?
Am I successful?
I consider there to be two eras in my life: pre-Lexi days and post-Lexi days. The pre-Lexi Amanda would be disappointed at where I am. She had it all figured out. I was supposed to graduate, then get an accounting job, then go to graduate school to get a master's in accounting. Then I was supposed to work myself to death for a big 4 firm until I achieved a CFO position at a large public company. Then I would become CEO of that company. Ambitious much?
So yeah. Working for a small private company was not on the list. But the thing is... I am so content with it. I am so glad that God has bigger and better plans than I do. All of my ambitions and goals have changed. Lexi has done something to me that I never anticipated. She has made me grow in ways I never expected, has stretched me to love to greater boundaries than I thought possible. What once seemed so important: career, money, chasing that next self-gratification, all seem so irrelevant. My career ambitions have fell by the wayside, not because I'm incapable or lazy, but because their priority is less than that of my daughter.
The thing is, it's not what you achieve in life. It's really not. You can travel the world. You can attain the most successful position in the corporate world. You can become a celebrity or a model. These are all fleeting. They do not add richness to your life. You will not be bringing these things to heaven. The real value that you add to your life are the people that you spend it with. Your family. Your children. Your friends. These relationships are the only things that will transcend Earth. I am very excited that in heaven I will get to spend eternity with all of you beautiful people that God has surrounded me with on Earth.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
A Much Belated One Year Update
I've been meaning to get around to doing a big update for Lexi's One Year Birthday. She is now 13 months…eh…close enough. Things have been very busy for us lately. I feel like I have a lot of balls up in the air and I can't figure out which one of them is going to land first. Sigh.
Ok. So Lexi is doing awesome!!! She started walking at 11 months!! Woohoo. She is now running. Seriously, that girl can go places. I had to special order her some wide baby shoes because she has the fat foot gene that runs in the family on both sides. How unfortunate. She sure is talking a lot now too. Here are a list of words she says in some what of the order she began saying them.
1st word: uh-ohhh
2. No!
3. hi
4. bye
5. night-night
6. kitty
7. doll
8. "top"=stop
9. tickle
10. pretty
11. baby
12. cup
13. hat
14. Spongebob <-seriously
15. I'm sure there are a lot more I can't think of because she repeats whatever you say constantly.
She also knows a few words in sign language. She has made the sign for sleepy and jump and berries I think. She learned those from her Aunt Ruby.
What else, did I mention she is able to get into everything????? She grew an entire foot her first year of life! Wow! This new height gives her the ability to reach anything left on the edge of the counter.
I think that is all I'm going to post for now. I'll try to do some more frequent updates in the future.
Ok. So Lexi is doing awesome!!! She started walking at 11 months!! Woohoo. She is now running. Seriously, that girl can go places. I had to special order her some wide baby shoes because she has the fat foot gene that runs in the family on both sides. How unfortunate. She sure is talking a lot now too. Here are a list of words she says in some what of the order she began saying them.
1st word: uh-ohhh
2. No!
3. hi
4. bye
5. night-night
6. kitty
7. doll
8. "top"=stop
9. tickle
10. pretty
11. baby
12. cup
13. hat
14. Spongebob <-seriously
15. I'm sure there are a lot more I can't think of because she repeats whatever you say constantly.
She also knows a few words in sign language. She has made the sign for sleepy and jump and berries I think. She learned those from her Aunt Ruby.
What else, did I mention she is able to get into everything????? She grew an entire foot her first year of life! Wow! This new height gives her the ability to reach anything left on the edge of the counter.
I think that is all I'm going to post for now. I'll try to do some more frequent updates in the future.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Little Summerlin in Training
We went to visit her pediatrician for her 9 month check up this morning. As always her doctor is super impressed with her development. She was in the 95th percentile for about everything. She is weighing in at 23 pounds and is 29 inches giant! Yay for my healthy, healthy girl.
I did have some things to discuss with her pediatrician though. Like these temper tantrums that she has started throwing. Wow. If I leave the room or even walk away from her to the other side of the room she pitches one every time. Her doctor said this is very normal and the best thing is to ignore them and they will go away. She is doing them because she wants attention. So if I pick her up every time she pitches one, it just reinforces bad behavior. Yikes. It's hard to do because Miss Lexi is extremely stubborn. She does not give in very easily, so these tantrums can go on for quite some time. My mom says that this is a good trait for her to have. It means she won't give in easily on things when she gets older so I should appreciate it. Momma knows best, but it's hard to think any good can come from these horrible fits.
Also Miss Lexi has started laughing at me when I tell her "No". What a punk. She knows what it means and she tries to deflect my getting onto her by being all cute and laughing. I hold her arms down and firmly continue telling her "No" and her chuckles slowly turn into serious cries. Then she gets all apologetic and life goes on. Kids are truly smart. I never knew a 9 month old had all these levels of emotions. And that personality! Oh my does she have quite the personality! I'm also astounded at how much independence she already has. Most of the time she is pushing me away because she wants to do everything herself-brush her hair, feed herself, put on her own clothes even! She also wants to help me do everything.
Every day gets more and more fun! I pulled out a box of play plastic food toys from mom's attic the other day that Christine used to play with. I'm pretty sure some of them got a little warped and discolored from their long stay in the attic, because I cannot identify what some of the food is supposed to represent. But anyway, we have been having a grand time playing with it. I'm not sure who is having more fun. :)
Lexi is also still a big fan of Finding Nemo. We have watched it so much our DVD is about to die. I'm thinking that Nemo is going to be the theme of her first birthday party which is coming up soon!!!
I did have some things to discuss with her pediatrician though. Like these temper tantrums that she has started throwing. Wow. If I leave the room or even walk away from her to the other side of the room she pitches one every time. Her doctor said this is very normal and the best thing is to ignore them and they will go away. She is doing them because she wants attention. So if I pick her up every time she pitches one, it just reinforces bad behavior. Yikes. It's hard to do because Miss Lexi is extremely stubborn. She does not give in very easily, so these tantrums can go on for quite some time. My mom says that this is a good trait for her to have. It means she won't give in easily on things when she gets older so I should appreciate it. Momma knows best, but it's hard to think any good can come from these horrible fits.
Also Miss Lexi has started laughing at me when I tell her "No". What a punk. She knows what it means and she tries to deflect my getting onto her by being all cute and laughing. I hold her arms down and firmly continue telling her "No" and her chuckles slowly turn into serious cries. Then she gets all apologetic and life goes on. Kids are truly smart. I never knew a 9 month old had all these levels of emotions. And that personality! Oh my does she have quite the personality! I'm also astounded at how much independence she already has. Most of the time she is pushing me away because she wants to do everything herself-brush her hair, feed herself, put on her own clothes even! She also wants to help me do everything.
Every day gets more and more fun! I pulled out a box of play plastic food toys from mom's attic the other day that Christine used to play with. I'm pretty sure some of them got a little warped and discolored from their long stay in the attic, because I cannot identify what some of the food is supposed to represent. But anyway, we have been having a grand time playing with it. I'm not sure who is having more fun. :)
Lexi is also still a big fan of Finding Nemo. We have watched it so much our DVD is about to die. I'm thinking that Nemo is going to be the theme of her first birthday party which is coming up soon!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Life as We Know It
I haven't updated in a while. I've been incredibly stressed out with school, job interviews, and little miss Lexi. She had strep throat last week. It was terrifying. She was basically lifeless for an entire week. It is so amazing to have her back to normal again. I am blessed to have, for the most part, an incredibly happy and healthy baby. She is 9 months old now by the way. AND still no teeth. Jeez. I've been waiting forever for those guys to show up.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you in on what's going on. I am graduating on May 13!!!! Excitement does not even begin to describe it. And I'm looking for a job right now which is quite stressful. I've also been going through some soul searching this month. It seems like none of my plans seem to be working out the way I want them to so I've been having a talk with the big man upstairs. It appears that I'm not as in control of my own life as I think I am. Haha. The joke's on me. I don't know why it is so hard for me to have faith and trust in God. I want to control everything, ugh. He has been teaching me to have more faith lately and I am learning to trust that He has an amazing plan for me. I would say that it has been quite a while since I have had a close relationship with God. Coming back is really rough. He is showing me how wrong I have been and how stubborn I have been these past few years. I hate being wrong.
So this week I've been dealing with a lot of emotions that I've ignored and pushed away for a very long time. God is helping me work through them and shed them. It's not pleasant though. I've had these dark feelings festering within me for years and letting them out now is like finally getting around to cleaning up something that's been rotting for years. I pray that I can shed these old clothes and be made new again. I want to feel the joy of walking with God that I once felt again. I want to be remade. How blessed we are that our God forgives all sins. I've been haunted with dreams of my past except they are dreams of the present. It almost feels like I'm taking a journey through all the most painful parts of my life in real time. It has left me feeling pretty down this week. But instead of pushing all these feelings aside, I am working through them with God. It feels like I am actually getting somewhere, but it is going to be a slow process. I need lots of prayer for strength. I'm letting go of all of my bitterness, anger, and hate and laying it all at the feet of God. This seems to be my theme prayer as of late:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Baby Happenings
Well, we have begun the adventure down taste bud lane. So far, green beans and peas have been a delight to Lexi. She loves them. However, today we experimented with carrots and it was a bust. She hated them. I don't know if it was because she was in a bad mood or what the deal was. I think I might try again tomorrow when she is in a better mood. I can't believe she is nearly 5 months old. She definitely has developed quite the personality. She has a clear opinion on a lot of things in life these days.
Things Lexi Likes:
1. She LOVES Finding Nemo. We watch it at least once a day. Her favorite part is when Dory speaks whale. She always cracks up during that part. Regardless of what kind of mood she is in, Finding Nemo makes her happy.
2. She LOVES watching my mom cook. She likes the mixer especially.
3. She really likes oatmeal, green beans, and peas.
4. She LOVES baths. She spent an hour in the bath tonight just playing. Silly baby.
5. She LOVES when people sing to her.
6. She loves Elmo.
7. She loves her mama. She has started crying every time I leave to go to school. It breaks my heart.
8. She LOVES being outside.
9. She LOVES the cats. The cats love her too. She smiles at them and talks to them and then pulls their hair and ears. The cats love the attention.
10. She loves mornings. She is an early bird and she is in the best mood at the wee hours of the morning.
11. She loves throwing anything she can get her hands on to the floor.
12. She LOVES having books read to her.
13. She LOVES standing up. She's been doing it since she was 2 months old with my help of course. I swear this kid is going to skip crawling entirely because she has no desire for it. She just wants to stand up all the time. Seriously. It's weird. She gets mad if she sits too long because she just wants to stand up and see everything.
Things Lexi Dislikes:
1. She hates the sound of the ice dispenser and the blender.
2. She hates being still for too long which would include being in the car seat for long periods of time.
3. She apparently hates socks because it is her mission to kick them off as soon as they go on.
4. Going to bed late.
5. She hates any toy that is permanently fixed to something because she can't figure out how to get it off. It is very frustrating to her.
6. She hates sleeping. She takes maybe three 30 minute naps during the day because there is just no time for napping when there is so much world to experience.
Other achievements include being able to roll from her back to stomach and from stomach to back. She can also sit up by herself for short periods of time. She is talking more and more. It sounds like she says Hi sometimes and she says haha in a sarcastic tone a lot. I don't think she really knows what she is saying. She just likes the sound. She squeals and laughs a lot and talks really loud at times. She is actually constantly making some kind of noise. She can stand up holding onto me with all of her weight on her feet…of course she has been doing this for a while. Lexi can get up on her knees and hands for short periods of time, but hasn't figured out how to coordinate crawling. Her hand control is getting better and better everyday. She can put a baby spoon in her mouth by herself and can grab just about anything. She can turn the pages in books by herself. She can hold her bottle by herself too. I also introduced the sippy cup to her this past week. She hasn't quite gotten the hang of it, but she knows there is water in there and she wants to drink it-she just can't get it at an angle where the water will come out.
There are probably more that I can't think of. I really need to update this more. Good night.
Things Lexi Likes:
1. She LOVES Finding Nemo. We watch it at least once a day. Her favorite part is when Dory speaks whale. She always cracks up during that part. Regardless of what kind of mood she is in, Finding Nemo makes her happy.
2. She LOVES watching my mom cook. She likes the mixer especially.
3. She really likes oatmeal, green beans, and peas.
4. She LOVES baths. She spent an hour in the bath tonight just playing. Silly baby.
5. She LOVES when people sing to her.
6. She loves Elmo.
7. She loves her mama. She has started crying every time I leave to go to school. It breaks my heart.
8. She LOVES being outside.
9. She LOVES the cats. The cats love her too. She smiles at them and talks to them and then pulls their hair and ears. The cats love the attention.
10. She loves mornings. She is an early bird and she is in the best mood at the wee hours of the morning.
11. She loves throwing anything she can get her hands on to the floor.
12. She LOVES having books read to her.
13. She LOVES standing up. She's been doing it since she was 2 months old with my help of course. I swear this kid is going to skip crawling entirely because she has no desire for it. She just wants to stand up all the time. Seriously. It's weird. She gets mad if she sits too long because she just wants to stand up and see everything.
Things Lexi Dislikes:
1. She hates the sound of the ice dispenser and the blender.
2. She hates being still for too long which would include being in the car seat for long periods of time.
3. She apparently hates socks because it is her mission to kick them off as soon as they go on.
4. Going to bed late.
5. She hates any toy that is permanently fixed to something because she can't figure out how to get it off. It is very frustrating to her.
6. She hates sleeping. She takes maybe three 30 minute naps during the day because there is just no time for napping when there is so much world to experience.
Other achievements include being able to roll from her back to stomach and from stomach to back. She can also sit up by herself for short periods of time. She is talking more and more. It sounds like she says Hi sometimes and she says haha in a sarcastic tone a lot. I don't think she really knows what she is saying. She just likes the sound. She squeals and laughs a lot and talks really loud at times. She is actually constantly making some kind of noise. She can stand up holding onto me with all of her weight on her feet…of course she has been doing this for a while. Lexi can get up on her knees and hands for short periods of time, but hasn't figured out how to coordinate crawling. Her hand control is getting better and better everyday. She can put a baby spoon in her mouth by herself and can grab just about anything. She can turn the pages in books by herself. She can hold her bottle by herself too. I also introduced the sippy cup to her this past week. She hasn't quite gotten the hang of it, but she knows there is water in there and she wants to drink it-she just can't get it at an angle where the water will come out.
There are probably more that I can't think of. I really need to update this more. Good night.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Lexi's New Hat
Lexi's grandma crocheted her this adorable hat! Here is a youtube video that shows you how to do something similar to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G3mvDeeOIA&feature=related
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Another Lexi?
Well I have some things I need take off my shoulders and stick into cyberspace. I have never been the amazing writer that my sister is so bear with me. These are the events and circumstances involving the birth of my Lexi. Let the crying commence.
Lexi was not planned. She was an accident, which is a nice word for mistake I suppose. Russ and I have had a roller coaster relationship for the past 6 years and we were in no situation for a baby. I basically freaked out and didn't really know what I was going to do. I was given advice from many people and it left me afraid and confused. But, from the moment I saw her on the sonogram-she looked like a bean with little arms that you could see moving-and saw her heart beating when I was 9 weeks along, I threw out all of my choices because I knew in that instant the only thing I wanted in this world was that little person. All fear and confusion left and I just knew what I had to do. I never planned on children. I was probably the least suited and least likely person to ever want/have a baby. But something miraculous happened in that moment where all selfishness left me and I really took in the weight of the miracle that had just fallen into my lap. Children are truly a gift. I had never understood this before. From that moment every thought I had involved planning on how to make the best life possible for this wonderful miracle.
Side note: Mistake-I think not. I believe nothing in our lives is truly a mistake. It is all meant to happen for a design we don't always understand and cannot always comprehend.
So everything was going fine in my pregnancy. I was healthy. The baby was healthy. Russ and I were trying to make us work for her which was going decently. No. That is a lie. It never went decently. I just pretended it was because I wanted so bad for it to be true because I couldn't go through with this alone. He did a lot of things a man should never do to a woman. Especially a pregnant woman. I won't go into detail. I actually felt more alone during that time than I ever have in my entire life.
So, fast forward to 3 weeks before Lexi was due. I went in to see my super awesome ob/gyn, Dr. C. Dr. C and I had become very close over my pregnancy for several reasons. (1)She was also pregnant and was in fact due 4 days after me. (2)We had both decided to name our daughters Lexi. (3)Dude. She is looking at my personal business on a monthly sometimes weekly basis. (4)I vented to her about all Russ related things and she really helped me through them since he never came with me. So at this appointment she noticed my blood pressure was getting a little high. Nothing too terribly bad, but she ordered me a healthy dose of bed rest for the next week. No problem. I did that and returned the next week so she could check me out to make sure my blood pressure was still ok. When I got to the doctor's office there was a bit of confusion going on. Dr. C's baby had come 2 weeks early and she had given birth that morning. Of course I was excited for her and the nurses reassured me that Lexi Grace and Dr. C were well, but they couldn't get me in for an appointment with any of the other doctors until the following week. So I went back home a little disappointed that Dr. C wouldn't be delivering me and frustrated that I couldn't get in to see a doctor.
I returned the next week on June 29 for my very last check up. As soon as I got there, my favorite nurse took Russ and I to the back examination room and sat us down with a very serious look on her face. She then told us some devastating news. Dr. C's baby had only lived for one day and then died. Tears swelled in my eyes. Lexi Grace had died. A precious, beautiful, innocent baby died. If Dr. C's baby can die, then my baby can die. "What if my baby doesn't make it?" kept swirling around in my head. The doctor came in and checked me over and took my blood pressure and announced that I had preeclampsia and I was to go to the hospital to be induced now. I had no time to think such negative things now. It was time for my Lexi to be born and my condition was critical.
As soon as I got to the hospital they were ready to prep me for delivery. I got there sometime around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. The nurse-who was an incredible and hilarious lady and who got me through the whole thing with a ton of laughter-told me there was no way I would have her tonight since most first time moms are in labor for 12+ hours. She barely gave me the inducing hormones and boom I was ready for my water to be broken. That was a painless procedure, but what happened after that were the most painful contractions. After enduring probably 3 minutes and 30 seconds of them, I was nice and ready for the epidural. Of course the epidural people didn't get there for an hour so I basically told everyone in the room how much I hated them for an hour, cursed Eve, and then went on a spill about how women who do this thing naturally are crazy. Finally the epidural people arrived and I was one happy camper. Before I knew it, it was time for me to begin the pushing. 1 hour of that hard work and my Lexi, 8lbs 3oz, had arrived. For the record: Total delivery time=5 hours. I did not poop on the table.
I was so lucky because my Lexi was as healthy as could be and she was the most beautiful and perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on-squished nose and all. In fact, she was released from the hospital before me. She was released after 2 days and I had to stay there for 4 days. The nurses were great though and let Lexi stay with me as long as Russ was there. I was incredibly sick and very thankful that Russ was there to take care of Lexi while I tried to recover. I couldn't have done it without him. I lost 30 pounds in water and baby while I was there to give you an idea of how swollen and sick I really was.
For the first few weeks of Lexi's life I would hold her and think about how I was given this beautiful blessing that I completely do not deserve. I could not wrap my head around the fact that Dr. C., a wonderful Christian lady, married to a loving husband, planned their beautiful Lexi Grace and their baby was taken from them without explanation and here I am with a beautiful girl that I feel completely unworthy of. I don't understand why certain things happen, but I will tell you this. To this day every time I look at my Lexi I see a bit of the other Lexi Grace in her and I hold her tight and appreciate every second that God is gifting me with of her amazing presence. I will never ever take my Lexi for granted. You never know how much time you have with the people you love. And Lexi is the greatest blessing I have ever been given in my life. Dr. C's Lexi Grace will never be forgotten.
Epilogue:
I have since been back to see Dr. C for my post-pregnancy check up. She returned to work after 6 weeks of being off and she seemed like she was dealing with things as best as anyone could. My blood pressure finally went back down to normal. Lexi is absolutely thriving. Did I mention that I am the most blessed momma on this planet? Russ is now in Oklahoma working. I am doing this whole raising a baby thing on my own (with the help of my in-laws, my momma, 2 awesome baby sitters, Ms. Debbie, and some awesome friends. Thank you all! You all make my life so much easier!) which is something I didn't really plan, but I am making it work. Oh and I'm also a full time student. I am determined to finish my degree so that I can get a really good job to support Lexi. My life is absolutely crazy, but I still absorb each and every moment with my precious baby girl. And when I get frustrated with my situation I stop and remember Lexi Grace and then I remember how incredibly blessed my life is.
Lexi was not planned. She was an accident, which is a nice word for mistake I suppose. Russ and I have had a roller coaster relationship for the past 6 years and we were in no situation for a baby. I basically freaked out and didn't really know what I was going to do. I was given advice from many people and it left me afraid and confused. But, from the moment I saw her on the sonogram-she looked like a bean with little arms that you could see moving-and saw her heart beating when I was 9 weeks along, I threw out all of my choices because I knew in that instant the only thing I wanted in this world was that little person. All fear and confusion left and I just knew what I had to do. I never planned on children. I was probably the least suited and least likely person to ever want/have a baby. But something miraculous happened in that moment where all selfishness left me and I really took in the weight of the miracle that had just fallen into my lap. Children are truly a gift. I had never understood this before. From that moment every thought I had involved planning on how to make the best life possible for this wonderful miracle.
Side note: Mistake-I think not. I believe nothing in our lives is truly a mistake. It is all meant to happen for a design we don't always understand and cannot always comprehend.
So everything was going fine in my pregnancy. I was healthy. The baby was healthy. Russ and I were trying to make us work for her which was going decently. No. That is a lie. It never went decently. I just pretended it was because I wanted so bad for it to be true because I couldn't go through with this alone. He did a lot of things a man should never do to a woman. Especially a pregnant woman. I won't go into detail. I actually felt more alone during that time than I ever have in my entire life.
So, fast forward to 3 weeks before Lexi was due. I went in to see my super awesome ob/gyn, Dr. C. Dr. C and I had become very close over my pregnancy for several reasons. (1)She was also pregnant and was in fact due 4 days after me. (2)We had both decided to name our daughters Lexi. (3)Dude. She is looking at my personal business on a monthly sometimes weekly basis. (4)I vented to her about all Russ related things and she really helped me through them since he never came with me. So at this appointment she noticed my blood pressure was getting a little high. Nothing too terribly bad, but she ordered me a healthy dose of bed rest for the next week. No problem. I did that and returned the next week so she could check me out to make sure my blood pressure was still ok. When I got to the doctor's office there was a bit of confusion going on. Dr. C's baby had come 2 weeks early and she had given birth that morning. Of course I was excited for her and the nurses reassured me that Lexi Grace and Dr. C were well, but they couldn't get me in for an appointment with any of the other doctors until the following week. So I went back home a little disappointed that Dr. C wouldn't be delivering me and frustrated that I couldn't get in to see a doctor.
I returned the next week on June 29 for my very last check up. As soon as I got there, my favorite nurse took Russ and I to the back examination room and sat us down with a very serious look on her face. She then told us some devastating news. Dr. C's baby had only lived for one day and then died. Tears swelled in my eyes. Lexi Grace had died. A precious, beautiful, innocent baby died. If Dr. C's baby can die, then my baby can die. "What if my baby doesn't make it?" kept swirling around in my head. The doctor came in and checked me over and took my blood pressure and announced that I had preeclampsia and I was to go to the hospital to be induced now. I had no time to think such negative things now. It was time for my Lexi to be born and my condition was critical.
As soon as I got to the hospital they were ready to prep me for delivery. I got there sometime around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. The nurse-who was an incredible and hilarious lady and who got me through the whole thing with a ton of laughter-told me there was no way I would have her tonight since most first time moms are in labor for 12+ hours. She barely gave me the inducing hormones and boom I was ready for my water to be broken. That was a painless procedure, but what happened after that were the most painful contractions. After enduring probably 3 minutes and 30 seconds of them, I was nice and ready for the epidural. Of course the epidural people didn't get there for an hour so I basically told everyone in the room how much I hated them for an hour, cursed Eve, and then went on a spill about how women who do this thing naturally are crazy. Finally the epidural people arrived and I was one happy camper. Before I knew it, it was time for me to begin the pushing. 1 hour of that hard work and my Lexi, 8lbs 3oz, had arrived. For the record: Total delivery time=5 hours. I did not poop on the table.
I was so lucky because my Lexi was as healthy as could be and she was the most beautiful and perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on-squished nose and all. In fact, she was released from the hospital before me. She was released after 2 days and I had to stay there for 4 days. The nurses were great though and let Lexi stay with me as long as Russ was there. I was incredibly sick and very thankful that Russ was there to take care of Lexi while I tried to recover. I couldn't have done it without him. I lost 30 pounds in water and baby while I was there to give you an idea of how swollen and sick I really was.
For the first few weeks of Lexi's life I would hold her and think about how I was given this beautiful blessing that I completely do not deserve. I could not wrap my head around the fact that Dr. C., a wonderful Christian lady, married to a loving husband, planned their beautiful Lexi Grace and their baby was taken from them without explanation and here I am with a beautiful girl that I feel completely unworthy of. I don't understand why certain things happen, but I will tell you this. To this day every time I look at my Lexi I see a bit of the other Lexi Grace in her and I hold her tight and appreciate every second that God is gifting me with of her amazing presence. I will never ever take my Lexi for granted. You never know how much time you have with the people you love. And Lexi is the greatest blessing I have ever been given in my life. Dr. C's Lexi Grace will never be forgotten.
Epilogue:
I have since been back to see Dr. C for my post-pregnancy check up. She returned to work after 6 weeks of being off and she seemed like she was dealing with things as best as anyone could. My blood pressure finally went back down to normal. Lexi is absolutely thriving. Did I mention that I am the most blessed momma on this planet? Russ is now in Oklahoma working. I am doing this whole raising a baby thing on my own (with the help of my in-laws, my momma, 2 awesome baby sitters, Ms. Debbie, and some awesome friends. Thank you all! You all make my life so much easier!) which is something I didn't really plan, but I am making it work. Oh and I'm also a full time student. I am determined to finish my degree so that I can get a really good job to support Lexi. My life is absolutely crazy, but I still absorb each and every moment with my precious baby girl. And when I get frustrated with my situation I stop and remember Lexi Grace and then I remember how incredibly blessed my life is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)