Ramblings From a Crazy Mom

I know this is supposed to be a blog about Lexi, but I wanted to share some things that have been on my mind.

I have spent the day reflecting and mulling over the past year of my life.  I have been asking myself these questions:

Am I where I want to be in life?
Have I accomplished the goals I have set for myself?
Where am I going from here?
Am I successful?

I consider there to be two eras in my life: pre-Lexi days and post-Lexi days.  The pre-Lexi Amanda would be disappointed at where I am.  She had it all figured out.  I was supposed to graduate, then get an accounting job, then go to graduate school to get a master's in accounting.  Then I was supposed to work myself to death for a big 4 firm until I achieved a CFO position at a large public company.  Then I would become CEO of that company.  Ambitious much?

So yeah.  Working for a small private company was not on the list.  But the thing is... I am so content with it.  I am so glad that God has bigger and better plans than I do.  All of my ambitions and goals have changed.  Lexi has done something to me that I never anticipated.  She has made me grow in ways I never expected, has stretched me to love to greater boundaries than I thought possible.   What once seemed so important: career, money, chasing that next self-gratification, all seem so irrelevant.  My career ambitions have fell by the wayside, not because I'm incapable or lazy, but because their priority is less than that of my daughter.

The thing is, it's not what you achieve in life.  It's really not.  You can travel the world.  You can attain the most successful position in the corporate world.  You can become a celebrity or a model.  These are all fleeting.  They do not add richness to your life.  You will not be bringing these things to heaven.  The real value that you add to your life are the people that you spend it with.  Your family.  Your children.  Your friends.  These relationships are the only things that will transcend Earth.  I am very excited that in heaven I will get to spend eternity with all of you beautiful people that God has surrounded me with on Earth.

A Much Belated One Year Update

I've been meaning to get around to doing a big update for Lexi's One Year Birthday.  She is now 13 months…eh…close enough.  Things have been very busy for us lately.  I feel like I have a lot of balls up in the air and I can't figure out which one of them is going to land first.  Sigh.

Ok.  So Lexi is doing awesome!!!  She started walking at 11 months!!  Woohoo.  She is now running.  Seriously, that girl can go places.  I had to special order her some wide baby shoes because she has the fat foot gene that runs in the family on both sides.  How unfortunate.  She sure is talking a lot now too.  Here are a list of words she says in some what of the order she began saying them.

1st word:  uh-ohhh
2.  No!
3.  hi
4.  bye
5.  night-night
6.  kitty
7.  doll
8.  "top"=stop
9.  tickle
10.  pretty
11.  baby
12.  cup
13.  hat
14.  Spongebob <-seriously
15.  I'm sure there are a lot more I can't think of because she repeats whatever you say constantly.

She also knows a few words in sign language.  She has made the sign for sleepy and jump and berries I think.  She learned those from her Aunt Ruby.

What else,  did I mention she is able to get into everything?????  She grew an entire foot her first year of life!  Wow!  This new height gives her the ability to reach anything left on the edge of the counter.

I think that is all I'm going to post for now.  I'll try to do some more frequent updates in the future.

Little Summerlin in Training

We went to visit her pediatrician for her 9 month check up this morning.  As always her doctor is super impressed with her development.  She was in the 95th percentile for about everything.  She is weighing in at 23 pounds and is 29 inches giant!  Yay for my healthy, healthy girl.

I did have some things to discuss with her pediatrician though.  Like these temper tantrums that she has started throwing.  Wow.  If I leave the room or even walk away from her to the other side of the room she pitches one every time.  Her doctor said this is very normal and the best thing is to ignore them and they will go away.  She is doing them because she wants attention.  So if I pick her up every time she pitches one, it just reinforces bad behavior.  Yikes.  It's hard to do because Miss Lexi is extremely stubborn.  She does not give in very easily, so these tantrums can go on for quite some time.  My mom says that this is a good trait for her to have.  It means she won't give in easily on things when she gets older so I should appreciate it.  Momma knows best, but it's hard to think any good can come from these horrible fits.

Also Miss Lexi has started laughing at me when I tell her "No".  What a punk.  She knows what it means and she tries to deflect my getting onto her by being all cute and laughing.  I hold her arms down and firmly continue telling her "No" and her chuckles slowly turn into serious cries.  Then she gets all apologetic and life goes on.  Kids are truly smart.  I never knew a 9 month old had all these levels of emotions.  And that personality!  Oh my does she have quite the personality!  I'm also astounded at how much independence she already has.  Most of the time she is pushing me away because she wants to do everything herself-brush her hair, feed herself, put on her own clothes even!  She also wants to help me do everything.

Every day gets more and more fun!  I pulled out a box of play plastic food toys from mom's attic the other day that Christine used to play with.  I'm pretty sure some of them got a little warped and discolored from their long stay in the attic, because I cannot identify what some of the food is supposed to represent.  But anyway, we have been having a grand time playing with it.  I'm not sure who is having more fun. :)

Lexi is also still a big fan of Finding Nemo.  We have watched it so much our DVD is about to die.  I'm thinking that Nemo is going to be the theme of her first birthday party which is coming up soon!!!

Life as We Know It

I haven't updated in a while.  I've been incredibly stressed out with school, job interviews, and little miss Lexi.  She had strep throat last week.  It was terrifying.  She was basically lifeless for an entire week.  It is so amazing to have her back to normal again.  I am blessed to have, for the most part, an incredibly happy and healthy baby.  She is 9 months old now by the way.  AND still no teeth.  Jeez.  I've been waiting forever for those guys to show up.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you in on what's going on.  I am graduating on May 13!!!!  Excitement does not even begin to describe it.  And I'm looking for a job right now which is quite stressful.  I've also been going through some soul searching this month.  It seems like none of my plans seem to be working out the way I want them to so I've been having a talk with the big man upstairs.  It appears that I'm not as in control of my own life as I think I am.  Haha.  The joke's on me.  I don't know why it is so hard for me to have faith and trust in God.  I want to control everything, ugh.  He has been teaching me to have more faith lately and I am learning to trust that He has an amazing plan for me.  I would say that it has been quite a while since I have had a close relationship with God.  Coming back is really rough.  He is showing me how wrong I have been and how stubborn I have been these past few years.  I hate being wrong.  

So this week I've been dealing with a lot of emotions that I've ignored and pushed away for a very long time.  God is helping me work through them and shed them.  It's not pleasant though.  I've had these dark feelings festering within me for years and letting them out now is like finally getting around to cleaning up something that's been rotting for years.  I pray that I can shed these old clothes and be made new again.  I want to feel the joy of walking with God that I once felt again.  I want to be remade.  How blessed we are that our God forgives all sins.  I've been haunted with dreams of my past except they are dreams of the present.  It almost feels like I'm taking a journey through all the most painful parts of my life in real time.  It has left me feeling pretty down this week.  But instead of pushing all these feelings aside, I am working through them with God.  It feels like I am actually getting somewhere, but it is going to be a slow process.  I need lots of prayer for strength.  I'm letting go of all of my bitterness, anger, and hate and laying it all at the feet of God.  This seems to be my theme prayer as of late:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.