Life as We Know It

I haven't updated in a while.  I've been incredibly stressed out with school, job interviews, and little miss Lexi.  She had strep throat last week.  It was terrifying.  She was basically lifeless for an entire week.  It is so amazing to have her back to normal again.  I am blessed to have, for the most part, an incredibly happy and healthy baby.  She is 9 months old now by the way.  AND still no teeth.  Jeez.  I've been waiting forever for those guys to show up.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you in on what's going on.  I am graduating on May 13!!!!  Excitement does not even begin to describe it.  And I'm looking for a job right now which is quite stressful.  I've also been going through some soul searching this month.  It seems like none of my plans seem to be working out the way I want them to so I've been having a talk with the big man upstairs.  It appears that I'm not as in control of my own life as I think I am.  Haha.  The joke's on me.  I don't know why it is so hard for me to have faith and trust in God.  I want to control everything, ugh.  He has been teaching me to have more faith lately and I am learning to trust that He has an amazing plan for me.  I would say that it has been quite a while since I have had a close relationship with God.  Coming back is really rough.  He is showing me how wrong I have been and how stubborn I have been these past few years.  I hate being wrong.  

So this week I've been dealing with a lot of emotions that I've ignored and pushed away for a very long time.  God is helping me work through them and shed them.  It's not pleasant though.  I've had these dark feelings festering within me for years and letting them out now is like finally getting around to cleaning up something that's been rotting for years.  I pray that I can shed these old clothes and be made new again.  I want to feel the joy of walking with God that I once felt again.  I want to be remade.  How blessed we are that our God forgives all sins.  I've been haunted with dreams of my past except they are dreams of the present.  It almost feels like I'm taking a journey through all the most painful parts of my life in real time.  It has left me feeling pretty down this week.  But instead of pushing all these feelings aside, I am working through them with God.  It feels like I am actually getting somewhere, but it is going to be a slow process.  I need lots of prayer for strength.  I'm letting go of all of my bitterness, anger, and hate and laying it all at the feet of God.  This seems to be my theme prayer as of late:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.